When other kids play Barbie, you only let me play Lego, read books.
When other kids go to amusement park, you only let me play in the forest near home, or learning PC programming with our Radioshack fat computer when nobody else know what PC is.
When other kids saw the Megaloman, Pendekar Kesepian, Candy-Candy in video, you only let me see it after all the long duties I have to completed.

How tough it was to get your approval for a Gamewatch.
How tough it was to get your approval for a pair of Reebok or LA Gears.
How tough it was to get your approval to attend the high school disco party (and when granted, I got to go home by 9:30 much earlier than Cinderela, even the real party not even started yet).
I got teased by friends who got to call you directly to ask permission to bring me to the party.

When other kids get pocket money for snacking at school cafeteria, you only let me bring lunch box from home.
When other kids get pocket money for granted, you will never give me before I work, from shine the shoes, wash the car, change the broken bulb,…

When other kids started to drive, I was so happy when you hand me the key,
but I was devastated when you order me to change the four tires of the car in rotation. It took me six hours.
You said, it is important to be able to change your own tires if it is flatten. As important as driving itself.

When other kids get extra monthly stipend in university days, you will not grant extra penny unless I can came up with comprehensive proposal, in written.

You obliged me to read newspaper everyday, I have to know all the headlines of the front-page.
You obliged me to journal, write in detail what I see, what I feel, for each trip you brought me.
You obliged me to speak English.
You obliged me to learn how to use the camera. The very manual one, with all detail of Photography 101, appenture, speed, lighting.

All, while other kids was having fun enjoying much of the teenagers years with gadgets and glitters.

At points I felt unfair, I felt difficult.

But now, when I am the person of my own, I realized,
What you taught me, built me. Make me the person I am.
And I can’t thank you enough for that, Papa.

Happy 65th Birthday my dearest father.

Tokyo
July 30, 2007

"Mommy, is that true when Japanese died, the body burned?" asked Raisa spontaneously yesterday.
I changed my relax mood on that afternoon drive to full concentration. I always take her never-ending curiosity serious. She should get the best possible answer. Her easy question most of the times required or lead to a very not easy answer.

"Well, that is right. The dead body will be burned." I replied.

"Why?"

"Because that is what they believe. That is part of their religion and culture."

"Are they naked when they are burned?"

"I believe they wear any simple clothes like white color or something like that. But to be honest, I never see that till now"

"How they are burned? "

"There is a special place which have something like big oven, the body is place inside, it is very hot until all burned. After some hours, all burned and turned to be ashes. The family will keep the ashes in a jar or special bottle and bring it home or burry it at special place like cemetery. This body burning process called cremation"

"Cremation?"

"Yes."

"What is ash?"

"It is something like powder. Like, you know, when we did barbeque, after done, the charcoal turned to be some powdery gray, it called ash."

"Is that painful?"

"I believe not. The pain gone once somebody died."

Some paused.

"What will you do if I died?"

" I will be the saddest person in the world."

"No! I mean to my dead body."

"Hm… I will wash you until clean, I will put you in white clothes. Put in a nice coffin and burry that in soil."

"Coffin is that box?"

"Yes."

"Will I look scary?"

"No, you will look pretty."

"Promise me that I will not be burned."

"You will not, Insyaallah. Our religion teach us how to handle dead body, and it is not to be burned, but to be buried"

She then quiet. Try to digest all the answer.
Then I asked her,

"Raisa why you ask me these question?"

"Because I got to get ready."
That instant answer really scared me.

"Get ready for what, sweetheart?"

"You know I will be big woman like you one day. And my child will ask me the same question. So I have to know the answer. I have to be ready."

" But you are still six years old, you still have long way to go, long time to learn."

" But, I have a lot of questions, Mommy, I have to ask you one by one from now."

Maria posted in her blog about how difficult it is to loose weight in your 30s.
I have to agree with her, though I should say, it is difficult but it is doable. As doable as when you are at your 20s or 40s.
I’m no expert but let me share my personal experience. I am in the mid 30s. I got two pregnancies/deliveries on my body’s history.

I lost 8 kg of weight recently. I thought this will never happen to me. But, from December last year till this April, I lost 9 kg. I gained again one kg (blame to the travellings which disturb the routine of intake and availability of particular food, excuses…excuses)  but have been in the same number since then.
How?
I tried many diet program before, from the famous Food Combining, Southbeach, until some personal diet recipe from friends like green tea diet, no dinner diet, and so on. Nothing work good. It reduced my weight one or two kilo max, but then it will go up again.

The lesson I learnt, the key is:
One can’t loose weight and remain on the new weight for period of time, as a result of diet program.
One can loose weight and remain to it if the reduction is a result of a life style change.

A diet program usually targeted a particular kilos to reduce. You aim a number. Once you get it, you get loose.
A diet program is tough, which unintentionally create a craving in your body. A suppressed desire to consume chocolate, ice cream, cheese cake, while if you are not in a program, perhaps you won’t crave that much.

What I’ve done is changing my living style. Change mean forever. No target of kilos. The body will find its equilibrium weight by itself.
Changed my perspective. Changed the way I look at it. Think longer, like, what will this piece of chocolate will do to my body (not only to my tounge). Is the taste of the fast food lunch set worth the 1800 kCal of it?
Here what I did:
- Always eat breakfast, no limitation. Anything is ok, as long as not extreme (like fatty things).
- Eat healthy lunch, as much as possible under 500kCal. Thanks to my lunch mates.
- Normal dinner, before 7:30PM.
- Cut mid day snacks.
- Cut all drink which has taste, except tea (oolong is the best, it dissolves the fat).
Theory of drink: liquid is easy to engulf, calorie consume easily without stopper (no chew, no fiber). Drink is not fulfilling so it will be so easy to gulp two glasses of apple juice (about 300kCal) equal to 4,5 of apple. But it is not easy to eat 4,5 of apple fruit. The fiber is the stopper to fulfill your stomach and it is good for your digestion. Real fruits contain 10 times more fiber than juice. If you want vitamin, eat fruits, not drink juices.
Say good bye to soda. Once in a while (if really needed) you can flirt with diet coke.
- Limit the intake of oil, fried things. I have to admit this is tough for Indonesian food as everything is mostly "goreng-goreng".
- Don’t be so hard on yourself. Change you mind, the way of thinking. But if you really want it so bad, give it a break. A full stop will create crave that has more dangerous effect later. You can give your self like an allowance of one weekend meal for a break. At beginning you will use it so bad, later, you will not need it.
- I was surprised, by cutting the volume by 1/3 I feel no less full in the stomach. That 1/3 all of this time went to the "storage" all over my waist.
- Move your but. Move it. Park car the far most spot from the entrance of the building door. Don’t seat still in front of the laptop, or TV for more than 30 minutes. Move, walk, stand, squad, print your doc in the printer across the room, not the one near you, light exercise, do more house chores, what ever, move it. Move it.
- Play tickle and cuddle with kids. Hug, sumo, jump. 30 minutes with toddlers, sweat guarantee.
- No excuse of no sport. I do 10 min walk, 10 min run, 10 min walk on the treadmill, twice a week. Not so bad, right? If you don’t any like particular sport, walk. Walk at least 10.000 steps each day. Buy pedometer to count (it’s cheap, even in some cellphone it is part of the feature).
Sport not to reduce the weight. Sport because it is good for your body. To increase blood circulation. To activate the pumps (lung and heart) to it’s optimum capacity. Sometime in my bad mood day, I went to gym and return back in opposite mood.
- I keep tract of weight, check on the calorie counter in Calorie-Count. It is a good site.

The above works for me. You can modify, adjust to your life style (like you who has "pembantu" or baby sitter at home, share some activity, reduce the addictive electronic game/TV/web browsing, etc). Create your own program. That will work best for you.
You are the master of your body. The one who knows your life and its aspect. Not those diet masters or gurus.

Once you have this healthy way of thinking, once you do your own program, if the weight does not reduce that much, don’t put it hard on yourself.
It perhaps your balanced weight. Natural equilibrium. Don’t worry much about those little black dress doesn’t fit your frame.
As long as you are a healthy person (in mind, in body), run a healthy living style, you should be happy.

My two cents towards the extras kilos of the world.

Yesterday morning, in preparation of our camping trip this coming weekend, hubby built up the tent to check all are ok. So I was playing in the tent with the kids on our backyard when the tremor started.
Earthquake.
Living in this earthquake prone country with multiple vulnerable plate laid down under Japan, earthquake is no new thing. It said that in each day, in average a hundred shake hit Japan, only they are too small to be felt by human being. But yesterday was quite moderate, enough for me to be alert, grab my kids to cuddled in my arms and hubby ran from inside the house, out to where we were. It last for some 20 seconds.

Turned on the TV which instantly give all the detail of the quake. Niigata (again!) was the epicenter. It was a 6.6 magnitude there. At our home, it was only about 3.
Until this morning, death toll hit 9 lives, over 900 injured. Rescue operation is still undergoing.
Most of the train line stop. Road and highway cracked. Hundreds house damaged. Landslide. Power and water out.

I wish all the best for people of Niigata. Miminum loss and speedy recovery.

Somebody really have too much money.

It is all over the news recently. Start from April until current, envelopes filled in with ten thousand yen bills are found in men’s toilet in government offices  at multiple corners of Japan. From the northern island of Hokkaido, until some places in Tokyo and its outskirts. Each envelope carry different amount, in average around 100.000 yen (approx. $833 or Rp.7,4 million). An accompanied letter found in each envelope, quotes some Buddhist phrases, a message to use the money to pursuit knowledge and closed with word: "Be Happy".

Media speculates on who is the mysterious cash-thrower and the motive behind. From personal wish to thank the government officers who often be the target of anger citizen, unexplainable political maneuver, critic to the government, prankster who create a game and a major anxious among the society, or simply old people who has too much money, no family and don’t know what to do with the money (they are a lot in Japan).
The police suspect the person behind this is a man (as they found in men’s room) and he is old (as the hand writing is kinna old style and shaky, and worsened in each letter, perhaps the man’s health is at stake).

I remember last year in TV, a lady found a trash bag in the garbage area. Inside the bag was three million yen of cash.
During my tenure living in Japan, this is not the first time I hear this kind of news. Cash found. Cash found.

If within six month police will not able to find the owner, by law, the money will automatically belong to the finder.

It is so sad that in many places of the world people desperately need money to survive, while at the other places this kind of thing happen.

I got to go now. I need to wonder around at men’s toilet at government offices and dig some trash bag at my apartment garbage dump area.

One of the thing I don’t like it in Japan is their medical system. Let me not generalize, it is the emergency unit for out-patient what I am talking about. No complain for the 119 (the emergency dial number like 911 in US) which is quick and professional,  but what I mean is that emergency other than dialing 119. If you got trouble, say, in the middle of the night, you will not get medical assistance quickly unless and unless you call 119 and being picked by ambulance to your place. The emergency unit in the hospital will immediately assist you, only and only if you come by ambulance.

But you know, not all the time you will call ambulance. Like at the middle of the night when I realized hundred dots appeared all over Ken’s skin (chicken pox), Raisa’s temperature reached 40C (influenza), hubby’s food-poisoning led him to 9 vomits and 13 trips to toilet, my super heartburn which led me to thought it probably gonna be "my time". In all of those cases, we just grabbed our car key and drove to the hospital emergency unit but ended up in filling long administrative forms and waiting in long line for one or two hours  to get any doctor to check on us.
That line is terrible. Not only because you feel that your immediate need of medical help can’t be fulfilled instantly while your loved ones is in pain, but also, you will sit surrounded by many people with similar situation. Hearing grunting, crying of pain…
No wonder one of my close friend told me that she called ambulance at 3AM as she can’t handle the pain of the boil (yes, it is "bisul" in Indonesian) on her back.  So she got picked by the ambulance which appeared six minutes after she hang up the phone.

Last Friday evening after the hot bath, me and kids were on bed for our ritual relaxing tickle-and-cuddle game. Then, this accident happened when Raisa’s 24 kg body jumped and landed on her laying down 14 kg little brother. Ken cried immediately. I failed to stop him. It was not typical him. He was really in pain and we observed that something wrong with his left arm. He couldn’t move it, he screamed louder when we touched it. We were worry of any fracture. He kept on crying all the way and screamed "pain…pain…"
So off we went to hospital A which has 24H emergency unit. As expected, we were faced with long lines and after a while the nurse came just to let us know that they don’t have any specialist for bone and muscle. We pushed her to let us meet the doctor to have a general check on Ken’s hand, but they said no. They referred us to different hospital B.

So off we went to hospital B. It’s been almost one and half hours and Ken was all the time in pain, cried till fell asleep.
Surrounded by screaming in pain children, we were waiting, worrying, hoping and praying for another hour until it was our turn to meet the doctor. Ken was awake and cried of the pain again when the doctor touched his arm. The doctor ordered to have x-ray shot in four different places.
Another waiting in front of the x-ray room, but this time, for worth.
The x-ray man, the hero. He got to make sure certain position of the arm to get a clear picture of the bone. So he touched and kind of twisted Ken’s arm to get it in right position. On a twist, suddenly it was like a ‘click’. All of a sudden, Ken stopped crying. Suddenly he got his happy and active face back.
Later on, the doctor found nothing wrong after going thoroughly on the four films of tiny bones set.

So after three hours, we went back home after midnight, with the happy Ken.

Whatever you call it: joint dislocation, muscle twisted or else, but when such situation occurred to your two years old, caused him to  screamed and cried of pain for continuos hours, you really desperate this to be treated right away. Mommies, you know what I mean.

For this case, I still feel the emergency unit in hospitals in Indonesia that I ever experienced, are better.

My husband has been pushing me to get my vision checked to the specialist since I complained the gradual change started from my first pregnancy onward. I deaf my self, worry that this will lead me to the specialist’ conviction of lenses. 

I was quite surprised of the ability of my eyes yesterday. I was sitting next to my hubby, who was demonstrating his tactical driving skill through the labyrinth of the back streets, in 40 kmph avoiding the main street’s traffic jam in this crazy summer sale weekend. My very eyes caught a quick glimpse of this small green things, on the street, over the green grass near bushes. That glimpse, was good enough to conclude it looked like a fat purse, green color, and from side, I can see some lines of cards. That trigger my brain to decide quick and shout to my lovely driver:
"STOP! STOP THE CAR!"
Placed in a narrow busy road with bumper to bumper line move in the speed, he said:
"WHAT?! I CAN’T STOP! LOOK AT THE LINES!"
"STOP! STOP! You got to stop, trust me!"

He managed to stop some hundreds meter after. I just ran back to take the green thing. This is a middle of no where. Near a bridge, not a pedestrian, near bushes. Quite street.

It was a Lacoste green women wallet. So fat with the filling that it hardly closed. The coin sides was open and coins splattered around. I collected one by one.

An active purse belong to a 31 years old lady. Five credit cards, platinum and gold. Three ATM cards. More than ten point/mileage cards. Some membership cards. Hospital/Clinic cards. Insurance cards. Driving License. Thick stack of receipts. Some cash, which with the presence of the cards, value is neglectable.
Oh my God. If I were the person who loose this one, I would die. All valuable flat plastics in a bundle.

We were on our way to one friend house for a dinner invitation. We were late due to the traffic. And late is a big no-no here. Specially where we will be introduced to my friends’ Japanese parents and family.
But we got a situation here. Thinking that one minute will be important for the worry purse owner to find the fate of her valuables, we decide to gave our friend a call and heading toward Koban. Koban is a police depot located in major spot here and there in Japan.

The policeman took forever to file the report. This area seems to be a very quiet peaceful neighborhood that policeman find no other business to handle and put the two officer solely handle our report.

Each and every card was listed and wrote down one by one in this form (which lines couldn’t handle all the list as items are too many - I was surprise how this lady, the owner of the purse, succeed to place too many things in this too limited slot of the purse).
It is not until forty minutes later we were able to leave the depot. I was hoping that we can just drop the purse, but the procedure rather long. We were told all the rule of finding thing in Japan. That we were eligible of 10-20% of the value of the found items. If no one claim the goods, we entittle to own it. That we can waive our right by signing a form (which we did), etc.etc.

What I want at that time was the purse to find the owner and this procedure to be done quickly so I can minimize the minutes counting as my late-time to the dinner invitation.

Late in the evening, we received a call from the owner with the thousands thank you and appreciation words. We just wonder how the purse can lay on that strange spot. It turned out that the small son was having a pee pressure in the jam, they stop at that spot to unload the tiny bladder. It almost cost them so much.