" I’m so glad to have you, Sweetheart. You are so good girl." I kissed her forehead, tucked her in bed, last night.
This time of the day, is one that I cherish. Cuddle with kids, talk heart to heart. Put some sweet words before the sweet dream take over.
She smiled, her sleepy face looked so beautiful.

" Thanks Mommy, you are a good mother." her eyes looking deep in mine.

" Oh, you are so sweet to say that…"
I feel warm in my heart. Specially being a working mother, even I try to balance all the time, I countless time worry that my kids look at me as a selfish person, not a good Mommy.
Then, curiosity kicked in.

" Why you say I am a good mother? "

" You are so kind and take care of me so well, you are smart and sometime angry to me and Ken too" she replied.

" Hm… so angry is one of the thing that make a good mother, you think? "

" Yes. Because you angry to make me a good person. Sometime I am so naughty and you have to be angry to me."

I am so glad that she realizes that. I remember one day she also mentioned, one day, she wanted to marry a guy like Daddy. Because Daddy is so handsome, kind, intelligent and strict to the kids.
When I asked if she thinks strict is good, she said, yes definitely, if not kids will be out of control and will not grow to be a good person. I want a husband who can angry to my children to make them good persons.

Raisa, I’m so glad to have you, Sweetheart. You are so good girl.

Yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary.

"You choose, we will have dinner wherever you like " dear hubby offered.

"Well…. I want to have dinner at Farm Grill, in the sake of the memory." I mentioned the name of restaurant where we had our wedding celebration nine years ago.
That night, me in white dress, surrounded by family and dearest friends, seems just like yesterday.

"You know they closed down some years ago… you can choose other restaurant in that area, there are many selection in Ginza."

" I know it no longer exist, but I just want it…" said the melancholy me.
" If you were a billionaire, will you make that restaurant open again for me tonight?"

" Hm…. that is not possible. That big restaurant need preparation."

" Say, you got twenty-four hours and unlimited money. That can be arranged… money speaks louder than words…." I didn’t give up my imagination game.

" Honey, Sweetheart, get real. I want to make you happy and fulfill what you want. But this is Japan. If this is other country, then yes, I will make Farm Grill for you. But in this country, you know how people stick to the rule. You can’t open a restaurant without A-B-C license and this and that paper. Even if you want to make fake one, still there are some rules. Money is not everything here." He was so realistic.

Well, he is right.
We decided to have a nice home dinner. Everybody had to stand the hunger and help the preparation. But we successfully made chicken satay, fried tofu, green salad. Nicely arranged dining table. Using the special plate and goblet you usually use to serve the guest. With the kids noisy stories and spilt water.
It was special. As almost every night we eat out.

Honey, you are the best thing ever happened in my life.

Ask me to do anything, from handling complex customer projects, walking the impossible tight schedule, until challenging new craft skill or recipe.
But don’t ask me to do one thing. Don’t ask me to keep a pet or plant. In short, don’t ask me to keep a living thing.
I broke my heart again and again witnessing the living thing died on my hand.
Y thought it was a good idea to present me the cute green on a pot (don’t ask me the name!) on my house-warming party some three years ago. It is believed, presenting a plant in a pot is a good symbol for the new house to make the owner "rooting" in that house. I tried my best to water the plant, put it under the UV sun, all according to the instruction. But after two months, it became a history.
Nelly thought it was a brilliant idea to present me three cute gold fishes in a tiny aquarium, completed with all the necessary gadget like air pump, cleaner, etc, three years ago. I fed the fish regularly, I even sang some song for them. But look what they did to me. One by one, they left me… all in less than a week.
I still remember our two rabbit pets, eight years ago. Max and Snowy. Max ran away when I let him play outside at our backyard. Never came back. Snowy didn’t want to eat anything since I trimmed her sharp long nails which hurt my skin. Snowy survived only four days since the day she started the hunger strike. I still remember everyday those days I couldn’t concentrate to work, I went home with the heavy heart like I just committed a murder.

And last week, with big smile C handed me the beautiful green on the pot with beautiful big ribbon knot. My birthday present. She said, this type of plant is the easiest to care. Even a small kid can care this one. No need to worry, just water once in a month (it’s cactus family) or if I put outside, it should be OK with the raindrops only.
I know I should be happy. But… am no green thumb. Not at all.

I even still wonder how my kids survive with me….

"How did it happened?" I asked her while looking disbelief to A’s both swollen bandage wrapped ankles. She walked slowly toward me, pulled a chair and sit to discuss a task I asked her to do. It is not her, she is a super active secretary, never sit, always move fast.

"I fell down the stairs. I was running to catch the train and I trip off on a step and fell off all the way down the stairs from the top."

"Oh my God, are you OK now? You should take a sick leave! "

" I am much much better now it’s been a week, I can’t stay home and do nothing.  I can walk. When it just happened, I hardly stand but managed it anyway but the next day, I can’t walk."

" You were with your friends at that time?"

" I was alone. The sad thing is, when it happened, nobody helped me. Not even to stand up."

" What? Were there people at the station? What’s wrong with people! What station?" I feel so sad for her.

" A lot of people, but everybody was in hurry to catch the train. Someone just asked me if I am OK but then just run for the train. It is Tsudanuma station."

By now, I feel bad. Tsudanuma is the next station to my station. A ten minutes drive from my home.

" You should call me… you know where I live."
Not only she knows where I live, she went to my home. She’s been working with me for years, she support me in daily basis. Beside, we are friends.

" Well… I don’t wanna disturb you in your holiday. Something like this not for your holiday agenda. You must be relaxing with your family…"

" So what? You tripped down the stairs and injured your both ankles for God sake…"

" I don’t know I just don’t want to disturb… my mother brought me to emergency hospital the next day. But as it is new year holiday, they don’t have specialist for this and refer me to a clinic in Makuharihongo. I went to that clinic alone as my mother can’t make it…"

By this time I feel so bad as that clinic she mentioned, is in my neighborhood and five minutes walk away from home. She should not be alone, not in that condition.

" A, listen. I hope this kind of thing never ever happen again. But if it happened, I want you to call me. Do not hesitate. That is what friends are for. Friend is the one who is there when you are in need. Friend is not the one who spend the happy time drinking in bar after work, but the one who is with you in your difficult time. Please take this. I know there are some culture differences here, but please, never feel hesitate to call me for help. OK ?"

That nobody helped her to stand in the station perhaps just a bad luck situation in the middle of hundreds people try to flee for their last minutes year-end business.
But not to ask help from someone due to the hesitation to disturb that someone (no matter how close that one is, say, like your own mother) is a kind of culture Japanese has that still difficult for me to understand.

After nine days of almost internet-free life, here I am again.

Surprisingly it was good to do just nothing. Plan was cancelled as my never sick dear husband got 39.4C fever, first time in nine years. After a full-time wife and mother role, a big house cleaning, several short touristy trips within Tokyo and fifteen rented DVD, the holiday is over.

Yoko, my very good super friend (she is a banker, ski instructor, swimming coach, pianist, sopranos, and a mother of two) introduced me to this flower things. She joint a flower arrangement school (she never enough!) and everytime I came visit her house, she told me this stuff,  theory, the book and so. So last month when I needed to get a big standing arrangement for the opening of hubby’s and friends’ international kindergarden, I found out it costed around 18,000 yen at nearby florist, so I took the challenge…. and here you go. My first arrangement to bright up the start of the year..

AKEMASHITE OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU !
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
May 2008 will be at your side, happy in and out, in all aspect of life.