It is not the first time I have this mixed feeling.
Looking at you, leaving home, walk to the school.
With your heavy randoseru on your back (I still feel uneasy how the bag is designed with that weight for the tiny body! 1+ kg empty, plus a dozen books inside), two extra bag, one on each arm.
Lunch box, sport clothes, pianica, uwabaki and other project material inside.
An umbrella, like this morning when the heavy windy winter rain doesn’t compromise the thousands students who has to walk to the school.

I wish I could drop you to the school.
So your shoes and socks won’t wet and the chilly 3C water will not freeze your toes.
So you don’t have to be busy fighting to hold all your belonging steady, when even to hold the umbrella still is difficult in the strong wind.
So you can get to the school dry and warm.
But I can’t. The school rule don’t allow me to do so.
Not in Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.
I know it is good for you. For all the student in Japan.
To walk in the morning. To put your own steps and effort to reach the place to study.
But I’m just a mother.
Specially in the rainy chilly winter morning.
When I see before my eyes, the horizontal rain wet your body the moment you step out the door.
But you smiled and greet me good bye with the spirit as you step thru the wet road.

I told you before and I tell you more.
I’m proud of you, Raisa.
The result may not in our control. But it is the process and effort we put in it is the most important.

I see your spirit in everything you do.
I see your sense of responsibility through the ups and downs. In your tiring and lazy days, you still put the left-over energy to effort.
I see the tears in between the difficult assignments, they don’t stop you.
I hear the countless repetition of Bach’s Minuet over the piano, you don’t give up (though I still think that song is too difficult for you to be performed in this Spring’s recital, but you insist).

I’m proud of you, girl.

I went to a farewell party for T-san last Friday. I can’t recall how many farewell party I attended for retiring colleagues. Being the youngest and one among very few woman in the team, I’ve been surrounded by senior colleagues, all above 50.
Children wedding plan, university entrance fee, retirement package, rant and rave of current government, younger generation nowadays, concern over high blood pressure and blood sugar has been my daily lunch table topics.
Never I like to say good-bye. But knowingly what people really know what they want to do after retired and looking forward toward it, really make it easier. Never I heard anybody has no activity plan for retirement. Either continue a long pended hobby, build up a new skill from art to sport, study something new from history, cultural to science. There is always something to do. (And no, I never heard “playing with grand children” as part of the main plan). Never to late to start something new. 60 years old is just a beginning.

T-san, has a high interest in restaurant all over Japan. He can recommend almost all type of restaurant in Tokyo and around. Every week he try a new restaurant and make note and review of it. In his retirement days, he will concentrate on this. Other than that, he enrolled himself in two cooking schools. Though till now he never has enough time to cook, but he is an avid collector of spices and rare food ingredient.

I remember Tombo-san, our Japanese father. When he retired, he bought himself a Yamaha organ and enrolled himself to a music school. In his life, he always wanted to play organ, however growing up in war time austerity, that was impossible. But nothing too late. Three years ago, ten years after he retired, he recorded his first organ instrumental album. Eighteen beautiful song, all played by him. It is not a billboard hits, but it is his lifetime hits.

In the party, I met M-san. It’s been a year and a half since I met him on his retirement day. It is really interesting to catch up with him. He spent his retirement days in the thing always been his passion: movie. He said, in 2008 he watched 241 movies, all in cinema. This year, he hope he can see at least the same number. He watched everything from vintage Japanese black and white movies from 1940 which played  daily in specific theater in Tokyo, until the current Benjamin Button. When asked to deliver a speech in the party, his highlight went like this:
“The greatest achievement I did in 2008 was overcame my fear. When I was in kindergarten, I watch the movie: Godzilla (1940s BW version) and I never able to watched until the end. It really scared me. I can’t even go to toilet by myself. Last year, for the very first time, I went back to the cinema and watched the same movie by myself. I sit and watch the movie until the end credit. I did it. I overcame my fear.”
Every body clapped.

1. Having a multicultural live : living in Japan, having a Pakistani husband, cross-cultured kids, Swiss & Japanese bosses (and used to have American, Austrian, Korean, German bosses), Slovakian, Chinese & Japanese staffs, European, American & Asian colleagues, Greek, Japanese and Indonesian best friends, I always think and teach my kids as the citizen of the world. One should be respected as one’s personality, not her origin ethnic culture, country, region or city, nor religion and citizenship. It amazed me in nowadays world some people still has fanaticism as orang Jawa, Padang, Sunda, Batak…and even judge others base on the image of his/her ethnic group.

2. It trills me to experience the love I have with my husband. Many times we don’t have to say words to let each other know of things. He understands me, in and out. He read me like an open book.

3. Talking about book, I’m an impulsive book shopper. I bought lots of book (specially in airports) judged by its cover and back page abstract but turned to never finish even the first three chapters. I’m picky in reading. I only read good books. Best seller and Friend’s recommendation work good for me.

4. I’m an online person. I google almost everything. I got husband and lots of good friends from it. It is really good to find people base on the same interest and way of thinking/living rather base on the physical presence. I shops online. I communicate online. I make travel arrangement online. I think the founder of www should receive a Nobel award. Hard for me to live without internet connection.

5. However, it is very easy to live without television. I’m not a potato couch. I see TV for news and selected programs only. I can skip them easily.

6. I’m not good at cleaning and tidy-up. Every time I tried to clean-up the house, I ended enjoying the objects I should tidied-up: turning photo albums’ pages, reading magazine, trying make-up, etc.
But how lucky I am to have the exactly opposite style’s husband. He is good in cleaning. He can clean a room in minutes. I think he should be a professional housekeeper.

7. I think I got it from the gene. Photography from my father. Cooking from my mother. Though I just start to really enjoying them the last decade of my life.
But, though mother is a pro caterer and I helped her a lot in food packaging and decorating all my childhood, I didn’t even know how to cook rice in rice cooker. But living in Japan without maid, now I can prepare a party for 60 people, all cook by myself. From lontong opor komplit or nasi kuning, until briyani rice and mutton sag masala. I think this achievement is better than any professional award I ever received.

8. But that doesn’t make me forget the confinience life with helper. Though it is now seems natural to run our house by ourselves, at times I really miss Yu Jinem or Si Isah. Specially when I got cold and nothing better than “kerokan” to relief the pain. My husband thinks kerokan is cruel and he doesn’t want to do that on me, which I think, so cruel.

9. And another proof is, I never iron the clothes. After dried, all just folded/hanged and placed them in appropriate drawer/dresser. My girl was impressed to see her neatly-ironed t-shirt when we went holiday to Indonesia. For silk, cashmere and business attire, send to professional dry cleaner.

10. Still need proof? I eat out almost all the time in weekdays. I don’t like to eat out that much, actually. But I’m just too tired to cook after work, kids is crazily hungry and…. I hate to do the dishes. I have neighborhood restaurants named as Kitchen#1, 2, 3, 4… But recently to implement the frugality in the nowadays world, I cook as much to stock-up the weekdays’ dinner… let’s see how long it stands.

11. Designing is always my passion. I love scrapbook ing & interior. Sometime I think what the hell I’m doing in my current work. I should oneday work for something of my passion.

12. I’ve been writing journal from when I was a child. My father obliged me to write a journal of every family trip we went. I used to hate it but now I enjoy writing.
I journal my life in a blog for my kids. I want them to be able to learn what their mother thought, felt, experienced. I always curious about my mother life years back. When I ask her now about the past, many missing parts and some bias too.

13. I travel for my work. The most difficult thing in it is to leave my family for weeks and the long haul flights. The good thing in it is I went to country I never thought I will visit in my life and the accumulated mileage for a free holiday trip later.

14. I’m crazy about snow. I still jump up and down when it falling. Perhaps because it planted deep as a dream in my childhood mind when I lived in the tropical Indonesia.
For the last 10 years, I never skip snow-resort trips, once or twice each winter. I even pushed myself when have no money.

15. I feel pity so easy. Sometime it looks stupid. I lost lots of money because of it. When I lived in Bandung, my mother and sister always asked me not to answer the door because no salesman, beggar, pengamen, bencong, tukang semprot gadungan (fake pest control), different type of word-seller, etc. left empty handed if I attended the door. Some people tell me their sad life story, their need of money and I just melt, though I know their story seems so lame. I lost big yen recently to help a so-called-friend who said he was in need (then he run away). And this is not my 1st, 2nd, 3rd nor 4th time… But I still think, just in case their story is right, what kind of human being I am not helping the people in need….
Perhaps worry if nobody want to help when I am in need?

16. Well, Worry is my middle name. My husband has been pushing me to read “Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnagie’s which has long sitting on my bed-side table. But I’m worry I can’t finish it… : )
But on the other hand, my anxiety develop my prognostication and anticipation behaviour. So it take pivotal position. Which is good for my type of work and life as well. I always have Plan B. Never showed unprepared. The bumpy side is, wherever I travel, I bring too much luggage…just in case…

17. I love gathering. Coming from a big family who loves gathering, I really feel the more, the merrier. Every now and then we make party at our tiny home. My house is open at anytime for friends and guests, unlike typical Japanese house. I love to talk and listening to friends…. and the food too.

18. Big foot, that’s me. My shoes size is 26cm or size 41 in Indonesia or size 10 in US. It is very difficult to buy shoes in Japan. Not only the very limited model, it is also expensive. Most of my shoes bought abroad, mostly in US and Europe where size 26 is common. Because of this, I owned more shoes than I need as every time I travel abroad, I bought some pairs with the thinking of it won’t be available back home. Sometime I feel shame that for a pair of feet I have, some nearly three dozens pair of shoes lining in my drawer. I’m no Imelda Marcos and don’t wanna be one.

19. Still talking physical, I have sensitive nose. Messy is still ok, but smelly is a BIG NO-NO. Body odors kills me. My nose also sneeze and water much. I’m allergic to particular detergent, pollen, dust and some brand of perfumes.

20. I’m not good at learning new language. I think I should speak much better Japanese than I am now. I think I should speak Urdu as I married a Pakistani. I should know what my in laws talk about me : )

21. I love sunk-ship history, air-crashed investigation, crime/murder investigation, disaster study. When I saw “Titanic” I was busy to match the real history detail with how it presented in the movie.

22. I can live without ice cream and chocolate, but I always need magazine for refreshment. I subscribed Marie Claire, Good Housekeeping and Oprah. Occasionally bought Fortune, Economist, Martha Steward Living, Reader Digest.
Sometime they piled up as I have no time to read them. But knowingly they are there in case I have time to read, that already refreshed me.

23. I used to love branded things. But I have changed. I bought a very expensive Gucci bag when Tsunami hit Aceh the next day. I feel guilty imagining that money can do much more for the victim rather than just adding my selfish collection. I very occasionally splurge, but very rare and I am happy with the balance I’ve achieved in this side of life.

24. Still at the splurge side, I love stage performances. I’m addicted to Broadway Musical. Wherever I go in US, I always try to make a transit in NY, only to see the show. There are in Tokyo too, but the trill is different when “Circle of Life” or “Mamma Mia” sang in Japanese. My next target is Cirque De Soleil, it is now in Tokyo.

25. Splurge, splurge… I should tell you that I’m not so good in saving. I’m a spender. I like shopping. I better keep 10,000 yen max in my purse cause how much ever I have in it, it will be evaporated within a day or two.

I don’t know, but my writing appetite is just hiding somewhere the last couple of weeks.
But as the objective of blogging is the journaling of life for my kids to read one day, it should not miss the important happenings.

So here you go, the tardy update:
- January has been the warmest winter I ever experience in my 10 winters in Japan.
- History made: the first colored president sworn in USA.
- The economic storm showed no sign of calming down. As if there is no other topic in every dining table and gathering.
- Ken is crazy about “Chicken Little. The positive is, his English is improving.
- Stella delivered the cute Baby Eunice.
- Recycle for Love, project # 2 is kicking in.
- Since Hokkaido, my diet plan loosen. Got to put it back on track again.
- Influenza is everywhere. Colleagues, friends, neighbors. Immunization make (almost) no difference.
- Olympic, the supermarket near home, closed down. Victim of the economy.
- The Facebook thing is really crazy… friends from the history pop up almost everyday. It is really good to connect again.
- Found the long lost sweet Nihonmatsu-san in Kameido Sizzler. So excited!
- Frugality mode ON as hubby business get affected by the crisis.